I have to admit: I have a shopping problem.
This reflection on material possessions happened because, for three days straight, I couldn’t think about anything apart from designer jewellery and bags. Van Cleef & Arpels, Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Bulgari, Cartier… the list goes on. Before I knew it, I had earmarked five-figure sums for these products and my pit of desire was growing as I scrolled through more forums, more Instagram posts, more designer websites.
I’ve always liked to shop but as my income increased over the years, lifestyle inflation creeps in and my desire for luxury items, designer names and large price tags increased too.
Have I bought things in 2022 that I absolutely needed? For sure. Especially on two new pairs of running shoes and work out gear. But as a percentage of my total discretionary spend, that was 3-5%. And it has brought me 90% of the utility I’ve derived from new purchases.
Over the years, I tried to figure out why I liked material possessions so much. It’s a painfully clear realisation that, to quote The Minimalists, we buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like.
But where did this need to impress people come from? Truthfully I don’t know, but during a late night supper in Rome with friends last July, we touched on the subject of money and drive. And I recalled that, when I was nine or ten, I wore a pair of trainers to a school PE lesson. These trainers probably cost £2-3 from the market and had a random brand logo on them. A girl in my class looked at them and asked in disgust, “What trainers are you wearing? Why aren’t they Nike or Adidas?”
I remember feeling intense embarrassment – that we weren’t rich enough to buy branded shoes, that I don’t fit in.
Of course, I can’t blame my desire for material possessions on a single incident. But over the years, being complimented on a designer piece was interpreted as a signal that I fit in, I am seen.
I want to break this cycle.
What brands I wear doesn’t define me. I feel heavy from all the hundreds of things I own. It takes up mindspace and energy and time to wade through the piles of crap.
But I do genuinely derive joy from certain pieces – especially my fine jewellery.
So, I’d like to take a practical approach to the minimalist mindset.
It’s not about owning as few pieces as possible, but enough to derive utility and joy from each and every piece. And enough to satisfy me, leaving me feeling light with happiness rather than heavy with burden.
No more, “just in cases”. No more, “keeping it because it’s designer”. No more, “but it has sentimental value”.
What does this mean in practice?
- Buy pieces that I truly love
- Buying things on sale has been a huge weakness of mine. I’m not saving money, I’m spending it – and being manipulated to buy something even though I don’t love it because it’s been discounted with limited stock remaining. This fear of scarcity is brilliant for marketing gurus
- My handbag collection is a case in point. I probably have 50-60 handbags, mostly mid-range designer that was 50% off. Only three or four ever get used. If I could put all this money together, I would be able to buy the piece that I really want (actually, two of them!)
- This is also what drove my decision to purchase an unplanned Van Cleef & Arpels necklace. Yes, it’s eye-wateringly expensive and not worth it at all for the amount of gold. But it also forced me to make the decision to return the eight or so items I had bought or earmarked recently: a Bulgari ring, a Chanel bag, some more fine jewellery, discounted designer clothing
- Don’t be afraid to let go of things
- I had coffee with a friend who works at Sotheby’s, and we got onto the topic of decluttering. She said that, when her boyfriend and her moved in to their one-bed flat, they needed to declutter
- “The hardest thing is before making the sales listing, when you have to let go” – and she’s absolutely right. But what she said after really stuck with me, “I don’t remember or regret anything I’ve sold”
- Our lives are not defined by our material possessions, but our memories and the emotions that come with them
- Use the mindset of ‘moving country’ to declutter
- This is a useful hack: as I will be moving countries fairly soon, the bar for all my possessions is: “do I want to take it with me when I move”?
- It immediately got me thinking: which pieces would I bring with me, and why? Especially because we’ll only have a suitcase each; cargo shipping is slow and won’t arrive for at least three months
- Follow up action: create a spreadsheet of what you would take in your suitcase to China. Everything else is superfluous (I will have to make an exception for furniture and art) to be donated, sold or thrown away
Looking up to others
My husband has a healthy attitude to consumption. He uses things until they’re worn (like his 13 year old Ralph Lauren pyjama top that I got him when we first started dating, which now has multiple holes in it) and I usually have to replace them because I can’t stand looking at it anymore!
He is free from the desire for material possessions, for endless consumption. And it frees up so much headspace for him.
My goal this year is to develop this mindset and break away from associating physical possessions with feelings of being worthy.
